The Day I Heard Him

The voice of God will change your life.

I remember the first time I audibly HEARD Him speak to me.
2008: I was in an inpatient drug rehab program. I remember feeling ashamed due to the events that led to my incarceration AND sentencing that followed. The consequences of running from God. Sure I grew up in church, and was taught to do the right things, and live for God. I knew He called me, and I knew that He (Jesus) loved me but I had issues with accepting it. So I ran…..and the journey of running from God led me to jail, and embarrassment! Not this guy…..not the preacher’s kid!! Sitting in an inpatient program with “coke heads” and “pill poppers”, trying to satisfy probation for a criminal offense! I knew better right?

As I sat in the room I was bewildered….How in the HECK did i get here? I was angry, sad, and pitiful. I started pouring my heart out to God…..How did i get into this? Why was I trying so hard to be a thug? How could I be so naive to think that I was going to get out of doing what God had already ordained for my life!!

Then….

I heard Him. His voice and His presence FILLED that little room I was in and what He said changed me forever:

You didn’t trust me.”

“God doesn’t have to say much to say EVERYTHING.”

SURE I went to church EVERY time the doors were open!

I was involved with the youth ministry, led worship services, played an instrument, been to Bible quizzing, attended church camps, I was Holy Ghost filled, baptized in Jesus Name….I loved God, and I loved His church, but up until that POINT I had never heard God for MYSELF!! I heard Him through preaching and teaching, and shared experiences from other believers, EVEN heard of God through my parents, who were both saved, but I did not know His voice! I was running from His call, due to having no connection to His Voice! (Yes, you can be called by God but not have a RELATIONSHIP with God.)

My problem: His voice was not as important to me as it needed to be. Influences and carnal desires took over my decision making. My desires to be respected and accepted; my desires to be the exact opposite of what He had already called me to be started to become more important. I remember being in the studio, declaring over beats (yeah I used to rap….a little) that I didn’t want to preach, and I had no desire to follow in my father’s footsteps (we will talk about that later as well). I remember, staying in the studio making music and skipping Bible Study and prayer meetings….I remember investing in drugs to have some extra bread (money), to buy recording software and production equipment so I could launch my production career and move away. The entire time giving no effort or time to my Kingdom music obligations and possible doors God could have opened for me! It wasn’t that important to me! My contrary desires was the only thing I cared about!**

In 2005, I remember being ANGRY at God, because I wanted to be normal! I didn’t want to be called, I didn’t want to be anointed, I just wanted to be a normal person…..No conviction from His Voice, no dedication to His Voice, no RESPECT for His Voice…NOTHING. One morning I was riding home from a friend’s house. I stayed the night at his apartment after we had went to a college party the night before. Of course my folks (parents) were both preachers/teachers, so you know there is no coming in from the club at no 2:00 and 3:00am! (I tried it a couple times it but it did not go well…). It was a Sunday morning and I turned on the radio and “Lord Make Me Over” started playing. His conviction started to flow into my heart and instead of opening up I got MAD!!

“WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME!?! WHY CAN’T I DO WHAT I WANNA DO!?! LEAVE ME ALONE!!

I screamed at Him, with tears running down my face….I didn’t want what HE wanted for me!! I didn’t want to HEAR Him!! HE was talking to me and I didn’t want Him too.

What He said that night in that rehab program REVEALED to me EVERY TIME I chose everything but HIS Voice!

I broke down. I apologized and wept as I realized He was talking to me the ENTIRE TIME, but His Voice was not what I wanted! As I told Him I was sorry His Voice became my restoration…..His love flooded my soul and from THAT day until, now I have never been the same.

How many of us are ignoring His Voice because we don’t value His voice?
How many of us are turning a deaf ear to His convictions because we would rather listen to our earthly desires?

How many of us would rather just NOT HEAR HIM AT ALL??

-A. Ward

**This paragraph is in no way intended to insult or criticize rappers and music producers, even those that aspire to make music in any genre. It is just a reflection of where I was in my personal and spiritual life at that time.

© Reformation Ministries. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission, from this blog’s author and/or owner, is strictly prohibited.

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